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Birth Stories |
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Birth Story
Logan Alexander
On Wednesday, October 22, 2003 at 4:44 AM, we welcomed our newest addition to the family, Logan Alexander. He was born at home with all the peace, joy, and love we had hoped for. We knew after Jack’s birth in the hospital that we wanted a different experience. We wanted to make Logan’s birth an experience we’d never forget, an experience all our own. After Jack’s birth, I read everything I could find on childbirth. I knew that there had to be an easier, more peaceful way to be welcomed into the world. I wanted an undisturbed, natural birth experience without medical intervention. Women have had children naturally since the beginning of time, so I knew that I was capable of having the same experience. I will admit that getting passed my fear of pain and of the unknown took time, but I believed in my quest. Educating myself on my options was what got me there. Jack was nearly nine months old when I made my decision and worked on convincing my husband. Christopher has been my biggest support since we began our parenting journey. We had no idea where our journey would take us, but we followed our hearts and feel like we’ve created a path all our own. I’ve had some unusual requests of Christopher- homebirth being just one of many, but he’s always listened to me, trusted my feelings and supported me in moving forward on this great journey. None of my dreams would be coming true without his love and support, so I know the Universe has blessed me. Having said this, I will now tell you about how Logan entered this great world of ours.
I walk with my neighbor, Lori 5 out of 7 days a week. We’ve shared these great walks over the past several months as we both looked forward to the birth of our children. We’ve bonded and thrived on being there for each other. It was on one of our many walks that I told Lori that I thought our baby would be born this week. I told her it would be sometime after Monday, and it was Tuesday evening that I went into labor. Amazing how we just know these things, isn’t it? I also told her I thought the labor would go fast, and it did.
On Tuesday, Jack and I woke from our daily nap and headed off to the grocery store, where I started having contractions. I remember having more discomfort with these contractions than I had since I started experiencing contractions Sunday. They also seemed to be more regular in their spacing; although, they did not last long. Sunday’s contractions had me dilated almost to 2 cm, and I was about 70% effaced and +1 station. My midwife, Sandra, came on Monday for our weekly visit and said that it could be 20 minutes before my labor began, or it could be 3 weeks. I have to admit I was a little disappointed after our visit because all along I had felt that it would give birth this week. I had been “spring cleaning” (nesting) for 2 months, so the house was clean, organized, and ready to welcome our little one. Mentally, I was expecting him.
On Tuesday, on the way home from the grocery store, I called Christopher to tell him I was having contractions. I had been saying this off and on for days, so I don’t think he realized that what I was really saying is that this could be “it”. Later that evening, I was still having contractions and they were getting stronger, so I called my doula, Debbie and my midwife to let them know that we may be having a baby. After dinner, our time was spent setting up the birthing tub, as we had planned a waterbirth, and attending to last minute details in case this was the night. I had hoped that I would start labor in the evening, so I could have the baby while Jack was quietly sleeping, and thankfully, I got my wish.
Because I’m ever so curious about my body, I had Sandra instruct Christopher on how to check my progress. At first, Christopher didn’t think he’d be able to tell anything, but sure enough, he found my cervix and was able to report some progress. He said I was about 3 cm. Christopher felt the baby’s head and felt very proud and excited. I was happy to know I was progressing. Sandra, ever conservative, said it may be labor, or I may do this for 3 more weeks. She encouraged me to rest, but said that if it’s really labor, I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and that the contractions would continue to get stronger. I tried to go to bed around 10 PM. I tried Chamomile tea, a hot bath, and Calcium, Magnesium and Zinc tablets to try to relax and get rest, but my body had a different plan. I had sent Christopher upstairs to bed with Jack at 8 PM, so he could get some rest, and looked forward to an evening of laboring in a peaceful and quiet house. I felt very free and relaxed during labor. My labor pains were never bigger than me. I managed beautifully for someone not particularly fond of pain.
Hospitals terrify me. Being strapped down in a bed with monitors and being subjected to needles is not even close to my favorite thing. I had already spent a day in the hospital earlier in the pregnancy with an intestinal flu, and being stuck 4 times in an effort to start an IV made me crazy. At home, I was able to do what I wanted to do- move around from room to room wherever I was comfortable. I used the birthing ball to support the front of my body while I rocked on all fours, trying to let go, to relax and let my body open and make room for our blessed baby. I relaxed in the tub; I tried to watch a movie, but wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to be distracted from this beautiful experience that I had longed to have. I lit the candle from my blessingway among some others in the room; and I laid out the extremely helpful affirmations that Stephanie R. gave me at my blessingway and a bracelet that was made at my blessingway to remind me of the women that were there with me in spirit, offering their love and support. I played beautiful music, and relished in the atmosphere that I had created for myself. Around 1 AM, I was beginning to tire, so I decided to lie down in my bed in between contractions. I was having much stronger contractions, but they were spaced between 5 and 10 minutes apart, so they were not “regular”. (I’ve since decided I will no longer evaluate myself by “regular” standards. What is regular anyway?) From 1-3 AM, our Golden Retriever, Chloe (a.k.a. Ninny) and one of our newly adopted kittens, Maggie were doulas to me. When I had a contraction, I would pet them. Ninny held my hand and didn’t leave my side the entire night. They were great comforts to me. Each contraction I had sent me to the toilet. (Yes, the toilet.) I felt at ease there and was able to really surrender to the contractions. At 3 AM, I got up to have a contraction and for whatever reason decided it wasn’t time to lay in bed any more. I hated to do it, but I went to wake Christopher up, so he could check me again and let me know if I was really in labor or not. When he checked, he was shocked to know that I was at 5-6 cm, and the baby’s head was +2. I told him I’d call Debbie and Sandra, although I hated to do it; and that he could go back to bed until I needed him. I didn’t want to wake anyone up unnecessarily in the middle of the night unless it was for good reason. Well, it turned out it was good reason. At 3:40 AM, I called Sandra and told her how I was progressing. I told her she didn’t need to hurry, but she said if it was okay with me, she’d hurry. I called Debbie and told her to take her time and come on. Sandra suggested that now may be a good time to get into the tub, so I asked Christopher to help me and two contractions later, I was feeling an intense urge to push. The contractions were coming so hard and fast that I could not even calm myself. I did not like being in the tub, which is still a surprise to me. Water has always relaxed and comforted me, but I knew people planned waterbirths all the time, and ended up having the baby elsewhere. I felt trapped in the tub. Just as in life, I needed my freedom to move. I also needed to be able to really hold on to someone, and there was not time for Christopher to join me in the tub. Sandra walked in a little after 4 AM, and I know my husband’s never looked happier. We managed to get me out of the tub. Sandra checked me and managed to get me to my birthing place of choice, the toilet. Debbie arrived just then and took over for Sandra, so Sandra could get set up. The contractions were racking my body ever so quickly and soon I was in “Laborland”. I could barely hear Debbie’s words of comfort and reassurance. My body had one thing on its mind and that was birthing our baby. Logan was born at 4:44 AM with 4 adults in the itty bitty toilet room in our bathroom. (This is a little more than an hour after I woke up my support team, so we’re talking freight train fast labor.)
I had prepared a blessing to be read when we cut the baby’s cord, but I was still in Laborland at that time, so Christopher read our blessing and cut the cord. I remember looking down and discovering that we had a son. My husband was absolutely convinced we were having a girl, but when I looked down at my beautiful little son, I was not surprised. Somewhere towards the end of my pregnancy I caught myself referring to the baby as him and he, so I knew that we may have been wrong in our first guess at the baby’s sex. It took me a few minutes to return to the miracle before me, but when I did, I felt in awe at what just happened. My dream had come true. Our baby was here and he came peacefully and naturally into this world surrounded by love. Being surrounded by people that loved and cared about me and respected my vision of birth made all the difference. Our little angel lay on my lap until we cut the cord without uttering a word. He may never know how truly gentle his delivery was, but I will and that’s all that matters.
Logan was 20 inches long and weighed 6 lbs. 5 oz. just like big brother, Jack. Brother Jack awoke in the morning to discover his baby had finally come, and he is still not sure what to think. He’s enjoying having my mom and Christopher’s parents come to visit and someone to share his beloved “boo boos” with.
After I had Jack, I remember thinking that I could never love anyone more than I loved him. Other moms would tell me that your heart grows and is capable of loving each child the same, but somehow, I had my doubts. I am now happy to report that they are right. I am absolutely in love with Logan. He is an angel and we feel so extremely blessed to have two happy and healthy boys. I am certain that there is no greater love than a mother’s love. I am overcome and speechless at the power and great beauty of love.
We hope this reminds you that miracles are alive and present in each of our lives. It is up to each of us to embrace and appreciate them.
Much Love,
Julie . . . mother to two beautiful boys: Jack 12/12/00 and Logan 10/22/03 and wife to Christopher, my soulmate and best friend